One day down... with thousands to go.

A day I shall not soon forget... Getting through minute by minute.

6:35 a.m. Millie comes home from seminary

6:40 a.m. Me- "Rise and shine! First day of school Girls!"  

Gracie- "Really?  But I'm so tired Mama." (with a smirk on her cute little face)

6:45 a.m. Fixing German Whole Wheat Pancakes

7:15 a.m. Curling Hair and placing bows

7:25 a.m. Kevin kisses me goodbye and leaves to take Sophie to school

7:40 a.m. Driving Chloe and Gracie to school

7:52 a.m. Bells Rings and we enter the hallway & after thinking I was just fine & proud of myself for keeping it all together, Dean Ford asks, "How are we doing today?"

By 8:00 a.m. I'm a mess.  I can't process anything the teacher is saying.  Everything seems to be in slow motion.  I'm in tears.  I feel sticky and nauseous.  I think, 'WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!  I can't speak. This is so strange.  Pull it together!  NOW!  In a really big way Stacy!  This is embarrassing!  No one else is misty! Snap out of it!'

After all the parents kiss their Kindergartners goodbye, I suppose I have to do the same but find myself wishing I could stay.

I couldn't make it outside fast enough, tears would be in streams & rivers.  I could feel it coming so fast.  I drove in two circles around the school building sobbing and wondering what in the world happened in only 1 1/2 hrs. 

My world seemingly tipped upside-down.  All I've done for the last 15 years is tote, carry, play, nap & eat with a little someone that I love with all my heart.  And I'm all alone.  Alone.

I CHANGED MY MIND!  I don't want to be alone!  Everyone come back!  Don't grow up.

But how can I feel that way, & I think of their sweet faces with so much to look forward too.

So I drive.  I'm not ready to go home.  Should I go to the breakfast out with friends? It has been planned for months now & with so much anticipation because of this momentous day?  No. Yes. No. Yes. I need to go.  Ok.  I'll go. 

I do need to see my dear friends.  Sisters in the gospel whom I love dearly.  These are some really special gals.  I was late.  They were all seated and I thought I could hide it. 

Their hugs eased my spirit.  Who knew I'd struggle like I have today, totally blind-sided me.

But I made it!  I braved coming home to the quiet.  I mean really quiet.  I kept thinking someone would pop out from their hiding spot and tell me it was all just a joke and no one had to go to school... ever.  

I watched the clock like a hawk... even tried taking a nap to pass the time.  No, it didn't work.  

When I picked them up from school it felt like it had been weeks since I'd seen them last.

I said to my friend Jen, "Tell me it gets easier each year!" 

She said, "Next Year?  You'll be fine in 2 weeks!"

I'm holding her to it!  I'll be ok.  I'll figure it out.  I have to, right?

Gracie and Anna waiting in line outside the doors.

With a little help from some very dear friends...   

Thanks Michelle, Jen W., Marci, Amy, Jen P., Adrienne!

p.s. Thanks Amy for ordering my hot water and lemon for me as I was in no position to speak!

Blubber Blubber.  

And thanks for the emails & phone calls to check up on me.

You mean the world to me.